Munni badnaam hui - Eternal song of love and loss

There's no greater song of love & pain which paints the true story of a lover's heart who is yearning for acceptance. But what she gets is rejection from a cold heart. The hidden meaning is revealed only when the layers are unfolded with patience and a little thought.

Munni badnaam hui darling tere liye..

O my darling, I, your Munni has brought disgrace upon myself, only for you, my love !

Munni ke gaal gulabi, nain sharabi, chaal nawabi ho...

What is that you find missing in me 

Do I not have lovely red lips ?

Do I not have eyes which can make you feel drunk?

Or Do I not have the grace of princess in my walk?

Even with my poise, my beauty and my playfulness,

If I cannot win your heart, 

Then what more shall I ask from God which makes you look at me

Main zandu balm hui darling tere liye..

I have forgotten myself and let go of my own identity my dear 

I can bear this rejection and pain no more

I am no longer me, but nothing more than a shadow of you

My heart just wants to melt into yours so that I am no longer a separate being

Only when my soul is one with you, can it ease my pain 

Just like a balm melts into the body to ease the pain in a stiff part

- Munni, your beloved 

Dead that no one misses

A leaf once fell from a branch of a tree which stood in the middle of a ground since last 20 years. Shades of rusty orange and pale yellow in the leaf merged with the muddy ground beneath. Rest of the leaves on the tree were still green or at least pale yellow and pale green, signaling hope for life and survival in the autumn. Fighting hard to stay a bit longer, they were appreciated by passersby for their strength and willingness to stay. Rusty leaf had disappointed these people who looked up to it and derived inspiration for their everyday struggle. It had fallen eventually without struggle and had succumbed to forces of nature – maybe just a light breeze.

It was not the last leaf so tree would neither have felt its absence nor would have mourned its departure. There were a lot more yet to worry about and care for. Even in autumn when hope started dying and will to survive start withering, tree was proud that its leaves were keeping it green and comforting it from the gloominess and loneliness it would have otherwise succumbed to. The leaves which emerged last in the spring were its favorite. Not because they brought life to the tree, life was brought by the first one which had fallen just now and lay alone in mud. The last leaves of the spring were still green and gave it the sense of life when everything else seemed to come to an end.

Its true for all, we hold on to the last ray of hope, the people who stay with us till end and let go of those who we think are making us go weak in the times already tough. No one grieves for the loss of those whose souls have been wounded and spirits have been broken after struggle with situations, people, themselves or us. They deserve not comfort and compassion, but need to be left alone so that they realize they are weak and could not fight. They need time for their own self to understand how wrong they were when they thought life is hard but love makes it easy. They were wrong when they thought when times are hard; people you love come to help you. They should be left alone to deal with their misery because they have lost their charm and spark of life. Gloominess they carry will burn others and burn the world around so they be kept in a place where there is no light so that no one sees a face so dark and sad. The way to place is known by the one who shows them the path and thinks it is for their best. And then there is a life which needs to be respected and cherished waiting for that person, so the journey must continue and it does. Soon the journey becomes so long and is crossed by new people who have joy and exuberance to share that the person forgets there is a dark face somewhere waiting for the door to be opened and a hand which will bring the face to light. But the person forgets to tell anyone the path to that place and himself does not find the need to go back.


Leaf was not a dark face, it was rusty not yet dark and it was not in any place where light could not reach, it lay in an open ground in the shadow of tree where light could pierce through leaves and reach it. But on a cloudy day, when clouds stopped the light from reaching the leaf and it felt lonely and near its end, it wondered if the tree knew they are no longer together. It thought since so many days I was alone and the tree was occupied caring for other leaves as now those leaves meant life and this life reminded the tree of demise and how it will also be alone in the vast open ground and ridiculed by passers by for being a disgrace to God’s purpose of creating it as it will no longer stand for life, comfort, strength but will be a testimony of despair, loss and loneliness.

And then drops of rain fell on the leaf, it sprang to life once as after a long time someone touched it and it felt it was alive again. “What if it is rain”, the leaf said, “I know this rain will bring my end, but this is most precious to me as I felt life when there was none, when I was left alone by the one to whom I gave my life and at my last moment, it is not the tree which knows of my existence but this drop of rain which will bury me in the ground.”

Kabhi waqt tez chala, kabhi tham sa gaya ....

अपने हाथों से बिखेर देने को
कोई रेत का घर तो नहीं बनाता
लोगों के क्यों का जवाब
टूटे दिल से भी तो दिया नहीं जाता

बेरूखी खुद से बिखर जाने पर हो
ये इज़ाज़त तो हर बार हासिल भी नहीं
जब टूटा हो दिल कई बार तो
रुसवाई के पार कुछ और देखा भी नहीं जाता

शक अपने इश्क पर होता नहीं था कभी
न दिल से गिला रहा कभी न दिलदार से मुझे
हर बार शिकायत रही तो बस कम्बख्त  वक़्त से  रही
कभी तेज़ रहा, कभी थम गया, बस गलत  रफ्तार  से चला

एक mera ही तो दिल नहीं इस सारे जहान में
फिर दर्द कहीं  और जा कर ठहर क्यूँ  नहीं जाता
रुसवाई  से मेरी दोस्ती  की दास्तान  पुरानी  है
ग़ालिब  सेभी  तो किले का जिक्र बार बार तो किया नहीं जाता

इस से पहले  की लहरें घर को रेत का फिर से ढेर कर दे
अपने हाथों से तोड़ देते हैं  कभीइल्म से कभी गुस्ताखी  से
दीद -ए - यार  की ख्वाहिश में का ये दिल कायल  तो नहीं
पर दीदार पर यह कतरा भी न रोये इतना पत्थर  भी हुआ  नहीं जाता

शिकायत हर बार मुझे इस वक़्त से रही
जो कभी बहुत तेज़ चला  तो कभी थम सा गया ।

मोती जो बिखरे है ....

तुम गलतियाँ हज़ार लाख करो
दिल हर बार तुम्हे माफ़ करेगा
चाहे इकरार करो या इनकार
दिल बस तुम ही से प्यार करेगा

Let the (magic) story begin !!

I have not even thought a second before starting this one as I am really finding the journey adventurous enough to jot it down so that when I grow old and am spending my time under the shade of a big tree savoring fresh strawberries in the pleasure of still time and warm sun in a light breeze, I can recall the good moments which took place when I was not wise enough and had enough guts to laugh at things which might have been taken seriously.

I remember reading this somewhere 'Love can sometimes be magic. But magic can sometimes.. just be an illusion.' and someone mentioning to me it doesn't feel like magic and so, In this moment today, I am captivated by the thought that does magic (lets say of love..) really happen specially if you are trying to find a life partner through matrimonial search. I am of the point of view that one should find a personal whom you find pleasing and interesting enough that you can spend your days and nights with, can be your best friend in life and will make an interesting co passenger in the ride of life. I am still asking myself deep within if I am even looking for that magic. I don't feel it will happen for if it did in everyone's life there will not be a place of fantasy and fiction and thoughts will not venture far away from reality and imagination will be so restricted close to the real life. I think we people of this generation take perfection for granted and have gone over board about the thought of the more you search, the better we will get. Given with info and options overload on everything, we have started to expect more search is going to empower us with better options, not realizing it might complicate us so more that we might not even remember after some time what is that we really wanted to look for when we started. Doesn't that happen when we keep navigating from one page to another on web via links and forget after a while what was that brought me here in the first place and then we go back to the first page, see if it meets your basic needs and then go for it.

In a few meetings, I don't know what to judge, what to explore for looks are something I don't really care about. Saddist it may be but I have always thought what if something really bad happens and the other person's looks are completely gone. Anything unfortunate can come my way or his way, will that change my love, my loyalty, my commitment or the promises I made. In fact not, for that is the time when the other person will be in doubt about his life and will need me the most to rebuild a life. Though very rare this happens, no probability says rules out the chance that it will happen to me. So, it comes down for me to the conclusion that if two people want to make it work and give it enough time and nurturing, like a seed the relationship will grow. May be its too dogmatic a view, but haven't most of the relationships that we see flourished the same way most of the times. Also, most decisions will be taken by gut feel in this process and I recall from one of the communications and advertising trainings I had, don't think when you have a gut feel, listen to your gut feel but then take some time to internalize it and understand the reasons behind the gut feel. One needs to sharpen it and be aware of the reasons for gut feel else one will let the things go by which could have had a dramatic impact. Also, literature and research suggests there have been very few times that when great ideas are borne, it is very rare that someone had a strong positive gut feel towards it in the first go. One needs time to get used to the idea and then react to it. Hmmm.. I did not know a corporate training will come to my aid in personal life :) Thank you to my trainers for educating me on this.

I am also amazed how we have forgotten to mutually reciprocate - in job when company needs you and wants you , we want to move on to some other firm where we need to start afresh and make a place. Friends who care for us we do not spend enough time with them but move on to find newer ones, the moment we find some one likes us, we feel there is more to life than that person, the world is so full of possibilities and we move on. I am guilty of similar thoughts and actions and hope to mend my ways. Mark Twain's words 'The irresistible desire to be irresistibly desired' often remind me how writers , poets, psychologists and even grand parents have often warned us that human spirit yearns so much for finding love from people who do not bother about us that it leads to so much pain in general for the society (see the chain effect it will have if no one reciprocated the love and concern but just moved on to find it somewhere else) and also so much wasted time that two people if they would have reciprocated , would have spent having much more fun together and trying to create magic for each other rather than waiting for the magic to happen.

Simplicity has lost its value and what has lost its value even more is the will to accept that love can be found easy if you want to work for it. 'No pains, no gains' is something you want to follow in your work but not in the life. 'Compromise' is the tag we place when adjusting to each other not thinking that its making us experience new things and it might be just interesting to see / feel new things, learn and change if it appeals rather than considering 'its a compromise' if its not the way you do things. I am still struggling to adopt this but in the last 2 years, I have taken baby steps in experiencing new things , new people and changing few things about myself and its good fun.. makes me feel young and also makes me feel I am alive and kicking who is like a bud in the bed of flowers and has to go through many colors yet.

I still feel I am very blessed to meet nice and interesting people on this journey which brings some spunk to my life in an otherwise monotonous routine of job, gym, socializing with same friends ( sorry .. I love u guys really I mean no offence , u r big reason of my happiness day in , day out). I hope if not the soul mate (its only figurative, not literal), I will maybe make some nice friends on the way (rider being if they agree to being friends with me , looks like a difficult one already) and make it a much richer experience for myself rather than working on it like a project and stressing myself and other people with option analysis during meetings / right answers for hypothetical situations / post analysis of could /would /should have / have nots.

I am sure its gonna be a roller coaster ride, I am hoping for more ups than downs, and am hoping when u fall to the lowest ebb, the next rise is also more steep :) I am willing to take more risks and meet more people till the feelings are mutual and not stop myself from confessing how I feel truly for i would rather like someone or if fortunate enough love someone and lose it rather than not doing it for the fear of not coming it through. Some one said ' I would rather love and lose it rather than not love at all.' I wish to do the same, to try my best to what i think is right and not be afraid to fail for failure has led to always greater successes and makes the success so sweet when it comes. Clemenceau echoed the same - A man's life is interesting primarily when he has failed - I well know. For it's a sign that he tried to surpass himself. Here there is nothing to be surpassed though, only one's fear of rejection and rejection is something which is very transient, not to be taken seriously for its not a statement or conclusion about you but is a result of the situation which is brought about by weaving of so many threads without a pattern and connection to each other that it gets so entangled leaving you with the mixed feeling of not knowing where its leading to.

So, right now I am excited how this story /stories will unfold and what it brings to me but let the surprises come my way, let laughter take a toll on me, let this be joyous enough for all involved as all this will not lead to a happy ending but a new beginning. I promise no sadness, no tears and no hard feelings for life is so short to keep them with me. I would rather collect the smiles and let the rest pass on. Someone I know said, "If space is free, it does not mean that you should keep collecting things you don't need'.

If you know someone interesting enough, that you think I should meet / know, do let me know. Who knows maybe the magic will happen.

No worry, no hurry for the road is long

Turns will be many, maybe right maybe wrong

I wanna ride the tide and drown many times

Who knows I have to go deep down

for the pearl I need to find :)

Feel free to share what you feel after reading it , or more so if you have a different point of view, different experiences to share, I am looking forward to all experiences and education it brings :)

Nahi roz yeh rooh ab bika karti ...

Hum jee hazoori mein din bita dete hain

Samajh kar yeh ke kahin kuch to badla hoga

Armanon ko apne rakh dete hain kinare

Aur sochte hain ke kisi ne to yun karte dekha hoga..

Har din ik khushi aur kam hue jaati hai

Ek aur sapna apna paraya ho jaata hai

Bandishein taar taar bun kar khud hi

Gunahgaar kisi aur ko qarar dete hain

Nahin har roz yeh rooh ab bika karti

Iska sauda hum ik baar mein ab kar dete hain

Aisa na ho ke hum khud se hi mukar jayein

Is darr se hum apne jazbe ko khud hi fanaa karte hain

Kabhi baarish se ya hawa se dosti ki hoti

To khone paane se pare hum bhi udaan karte

Pal pal nahi ruthe rehte hamare hum se

Aur hum jee bhar ke jeene ka mukaam pa lete

Jab mud ke peeche dekha to hasil kya tha

Manzil jisko na mile, use safar ka lutf bhi hasil nahin hai,
Shamil na hone ka gum rakhta nahi yeh dil,
Chubhta hai nasoor ban ke zakhm jo raaton mein ruk ruk kar,
Woh hai tab jab tanhayee mein parchayee koi shamil nahi hai .

Allah gar kisi ko rishte bakkshe, to dua hai un rishton ki zindagi bhi bakshein,
Rishton ko phoolon ki chaadar dene ka dum koi rooh nahi rakhti .

Andhere mein jo aansoo nazar aate hain, roshni mein woh kahin gum se ho jaate hain,
Itemaad to us lamhe ka bhi nahi jo khud ko gavara ho, bas us andhere se bacha karte hain .

Baat yeh ke aisa ehsaas kya alag hai iska jo pehle kisi ne hasil na kiya
Bas yun hi jumle likh dene se koi shayari ke talib-e-ilm hone ka daava to na kare.