Whom you die with is the last touch of life .. Is it how it should be ?

A leaf once fell from a branch of a tree which stood in the middle of a ground since last 20 years. Shades of rusty orange and pale yellow in the leaf merged with the muddy ground beneath. Rest of the leaves on the tree were still green or at least pale yellow and pale green, signaling hope for life and survival in the autumn. Fighting hard to stay a bit longer, they were appreciated by passersby for their strength and willingness to stay. Rusty leaf had disappointed these people who looked up to it and derived inspiration for their everyday struggle. It had fallen eventually without struggle and had succumbed to forces of nature – maybe just a light breeze.

It was not the last leaf so tree would neither have felt its absence nor would have mourned its departure. There were a lot more yet to worry about and care for. Even in autumn when hope started dying and will to survive start withering, tree was proud that its leaves were keeping it green and comforting it from the gloominess and loneliness it would have otherwise succumbed to. The leaves which emerged last in the spring were its favorite. Not because they brought life to the tree, life was brought by the first one which had fallen just now and lay alone in mud. The last leaves of the spring were still green and gave it the sense of life when everything else seemed to come to an end.

Its true for all, we hold on to the last ray of hope, the people who stay with us till end and let go of those who we think are making us go weak in the times already tough. No one grieves for the loss of those whose souls have been wounded and spirits have been broken after struggle with situations, people, themselves or us. They deserve not comfort and compassion, but need to be left alone so that they realize they are weak and could not fight. They need time for their own self to understand how wrong they were when they thought life is hard but love makes it easy. They were wrong when they thought when times are hard; people you love come to help you. They should be left alone to deal with their misery because they have lost their charm and spark of life. Gloominess they carry will burn others and burn the world around so they be kept in a place where there is no light so that no one sees a face so dark and sad. The way to place is known by the one who shows them the path and thinks it is for their best. And then there is a life which needs to be respected and cherished waiting for that person, so the journey must continue and it does. Soon the journey becomes so long and is crossed by new people who have joy and exuberance to share that the person forgets there is a dark face somewhere waiting for the door to be opened and a hand which will bring the face to light. But the person forgets to tell anyone the path to that place and himself does not find the need to go back.


Leaf was not a dark face, it was rusty not yet dark and it was not in any place where light could not reach, it lay in an open ground in the shadow of tree where light could pierce through leaves and reach it. But on a cloudy day, when clouds stopped the light from reaching the leaf and it felt lonely and near its end, it wondered if the tree knew they are no longer together. It thought since so many days I was alone and the tree was occupied caring for other leaves as now those leaves meant life and this life reminded the tree of demise and how it will also be alone in the vast open ground and ridiculed by passers by for being a disgrace to God’s purpose of creating it as it will no longer stand for life, comfort, strength but will be a testimony of despair, loss and loneliness.

And then drops of rain fell on the leaf, it sprang to life once as after a long time someone touched it and it felt it was alive again. “What if it is rain”, the leaf said, “I know this rain will bring my end, but this is most precious to me as I felt life when there was none, when I was left alone by the one to whom I gave my life and at my last moment, it is not the tree which knows of my existence but this drop of rain which will bury me in the ground.”

When it starts with the end ...

Endings are difficult to start with. Always. It has been like that since the time hopes started dying in front of hardships that humans faced. When a child is born we celebrate the birth but a mother knows how her sole possession in life she valued the most has been taken away and now she is asked to share it with the rest of the world. A bond so sacred between the two souls which was held close to both hearts , the unquestionable trust and the undying support for each other ends and a relationship is born which is held together by sacrifice and expectations. A mother knows how the end feels, the end which signifies that a soul now exists separate from you. When the child cries and mother reciprocates that cry with tears both mourn the separation and void created by the birth. The world ignorant of the turmoil tries to cheer the mother by handing her over the child which she knows is the reason of her void and her tears are named ‘tears of joy’ and the child’s cries are celebrated as if they signify joy. The pain and separation of both souls gets lost in the merriment of the world around. Life is hard all will agree, but never I knew the life when is borne the hardest of all. So when life begins with an ending can it be anything different from the seeds from which it is grew.

I still explore if there are reasons for pain and loneliness in my heart but I find none. I walk miles and miles in search of a hand which is warm and soothes my soul but I find none. I drown my tears and sadness in laughter and jokes but when I take a breath, tears cloud my vision and a scream leaves my heart to call out someone from whom I am distanced. I feel lonely in a crowd of friends as if I am a dropped feather of a bird in a deep forest which has no life and no existence of its own, but lies in stillness as a mark of the freedom of a soul.